I haven’t been around here much lately. Not sure why. Maybe just “processing” as Annie is fond of saying. I do my best processing very early in the morning, before I have gotten my senses entirely about me. It’s kind of that not quite awake state where your last dream hangs over into the day and colors it in a shade we don’t have words to describe. It can be an ominous place. But it’s usually a place where we have yet to remember all the worrisome issues that were our last fading thoughts when we fell under the darkness the night before.
And this is how I get in trouble. My predawn sight can be outrageous. Often misguided. I should be kept safely away from a keyboard and left to myself until my morning caffeine has been administered and a more measured view can be taken.
Today was no exception. It was the topic of loving someone that came flooding into the narrow space between my night and my morning.
I’m talking about a partner here. A mate. A spouse. A significant other.
It’s such a huge impossible responsibility.
Even the thought of understanding what it means to love someone in that way is almost too hard to bear.
Yet people seem to do it all the time. Or they say they do. What makes it such a big deal? Is it just that I overthink everything?
There are lots of great sources of wisdom on the topic. Books. Song lyrics. Poetry. Biology. Hallmark cards. St. Valentine.
Heck. Everyone seems to know what it is to love someone.
What’s the big deal?
Well I don’t know. But I do have a few ideas. You knew I was headed there anyway didn’t you?
Loving someone is different for everyone.
We are all just so different. And we are all just so alone inside.
So why should we be expected to love in the same way?
So my idea is certainly going to differ from your idea. But it’s all any of us has. So here goes. My take on loving someone:
Let them go.
Set them free.
Be their greatest advocate.
Encourage them to be authentic.
To be who they are.
Tend their needs.
Enable their bliss.
Cheer them as they thrive.
Hold them when they hurt.
Protect them when they are vulnerable.
And above all, be unconditional.
It sounds as if what I have written has some personal risk.
It sure does.
Be very careful who you choose to love.
Because when you so choose you give your self to them.
And once you do, it’s done. You can’t get your self back.
You can only hope that the one you have chosen shares your definition.
If they do, you will be as close as it is possible to be.
If they don’t, you will spend your life loving uphill.
Time for some coffee.