Gilding The Lily

i think i am becoming andy rooney / this is the sort of thing that i would expect him to write about and i guess that isn’t bad or good it is just is / hence this commentary from my own slightly eccentric perspective on one of life’s finest indulgences


in my humble opinion / the old fashioned plain doughnut is one of the finest creations god ever put saturated fat into / and while lusting after one particularly fine example that was singing a sirens song to me at the continental breakfast buffet at the hotel where we stayed in milwaukee this week / it occurred to me that for reasons that escape me / someone long ago decided that doughnuts were not sufficiently hedonistic / nooo / someone decided they needed to be improved upon / that icing was needed / or jelly / or cream filling / or sugar coating / or sprinkles or they needed to be made out of chocolate dough or they needed cinnamon / or needed to be dipped in honey / or green for st patrick or pink for st valentine / or / or / well you get the idea

why in god’s name?

my wife insists that all this embellishment has a good reason / it has to do with the beverage of choice that accompanies the doughnut / she says says a big cold glass of milk is the way to go / and these supplemental flavors all go well with milk / well i will tell you that once upon a calorie / i also subscribed to this school of thought / but i was always kind of grossed out by the greasy pasty taste that was left in the wake of my decadence / and the last thing i wanted was yet another reminder of the imminent clogging of my arteries

now i have never been much of a coffee drinker until the last few years / so the concept of coffee and doughnuts was kind of lost on me / but this is a match that was truly made in gastronomic heaven / nothing else is needed / this combination is impossible to improve upon / even the pasty taste afterward is somehow magically expunged / and i am certain that without one iota of rationalization i could easily convince myself that all the food groups are well represented / how great is that??

it is important to remember that this diatribe came about while i indulged myself with a plain untoasted bagel / sans cream cheese / a non fat yogurt and black coffee / what’s wrong with this picture???

so if you please / try to understand why i feel all these extra doughnut geegaws are not needed / less is more and don’t try to tell me otherwise / i don’t want to hear about it / my decision is final / steak needs no chocolate sauce / and the lily needs no gold sprinkles

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